My storey is pretty heavy yes. But also I feel it is a storey of resilience and a love storey of me falling in love with myself again.

One of the best things I have learnt since writing my storey and finally telling people what happened (even if now one is reading it) is how it is validating how strong I was and am, to have survived that.

To even get out of bed every day and face the day. Also how I still love people and want to help them.

I have always felt bad about ‘bigging’ myself up. I always felt like it was a trait of a big head, or maybe a narcissist. I always felt shame if I told myself you can do this. Look how far you have come!

But what I have realised since my inner voice is now…. “Your going to be okay Tara”.

“This will pass”

“It wasn’t your fault”.

“You were so brave”.

“Im so proud of you.”

One that I still feel weird about saying to myself mainly because i’ve never really heard from anyone else, and the person I say it to are my cats (yes my cats are people) lol but

“I love you”.

I genuinely feel like I have felt proper love for the first time in my life and it’s from me.

When you write your storey down if it does include trauma, what it does is it allows, your adult, or the logical you to read it back. Then your brain takes a step back and says, wow there really is nothing to be ashamed of here. We did nothing wrong.

You start to rewire your brain. (something that everybody says you need to do) but nowone actually tells you how to do it.

I try to journal everyday. I normally wake up with a jumbled head and loads of racing thoughts running around my head from dreams or nightmares.

So I sit and ground myself, and say:

Hey, lets ground for a minute…. How are you feeling today? What do you feel in your body. What do you want to do today? If I feel stressed or scared or triggered, I write it there.

Then I reply with how I would reply to a friend who had just told me they were feeling scared. I say, thats okay. Its okay to feel scary feelings. But you are safe. You are 37 and an adult they will never hurt you again, and I will look after you.

I am speaking to my younger self – 11 year old little Tara. That never got to feel safe.

Now I am her biggest cheerleader, her protector and most of all her biggest love.

If you can I would try journaling once a day, just start writing. I use a journal app.

Somedays if I am angry I will literally just write loads of swear words. I will say things in there that im thinking in the moment because nowone can see just to get it all out. Then there is peace always.

As Im healing doing this blog even though its only been a month has literally saved my life. Everytime I write a post I am feeling lighter. I feel my younge rself thanking me.

I would love to hear some of the self love things you to your self?

Tell me in the comments.

Be your own protector and biggest love. xxxxx